Space Needle, Seattle. Photography

12 Obscene Facts I Learned Touring Seattle The Emerald City

Highway 5 Roadtrip Touring Seattle

1. It is rife with traps

2. My smokin’ hot lady friend is capable eating a literal highball of strictly peanut butter as an appetizer in the time it took me to drive to the Taco Bell and back that was three blocks away

Girls who eat peanut butter

Kylie peanut butter camping Mosquito Creek Banff National Park. Touring Seattle

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

3. Moms can send you mail across the country *without your name on it* and it will still get to you 

Seattle Post Office. Tour Seattle

May or may not be anthrax.

4. The Gum Wall is the 8th Wonder of the World

Free Things to Do in Seattle

A paradox of nature, this 50 foot wall is lathered in chewed gum, reaching points as high as 15 feet.

Seattle Attractions

To this very day, the origin of this ancient structure is debated by scientists, sociologists, philosophers, and clergymen.

Touring Seattle in a day

Was it erected by Aliens? Wooly Mammoths? Perhaps, God?

Fun things to Do in Touring Seattle

Beloved President Trump, himself, has recently sung praise for the primordial phenomenon: “It’s amazing. Absolutely great. Like a spider-web. You can’t climb it, you’ll get stuck! The best.”

Touring Seattle

5. If you dress like a douche you will be harassed by little girls

This was before a little girl’s dad pulled over his van so his daughter and her friends could harass my choice of clothing.

“I’m living out of a car!” I yelled. 

“No excuses, pussy!” she shot back. 

What to know about Touring Seattle

6. The Space Noodle doesn’t even reach space…

Touring Seattle what to see

Despite its name, this giant linguini doesn’t even crack the Troposphere, let alone the Kármán Line.

Touring Seattle Landmarks Travel

Built during the forgotten “Cloud Age,” architects believed the structure would reach outer space.

Space Needle, Seattle. Photography. Attractions. Touring Seattle

When the skies finally parted in time for the 1962 World’s Fair, the Noodle was the subject of international awe and inspiration. (Notwithstanding the Italians, who were offended the Noodle could not be “either ingested or fucked”.)

7. … but it offers some neat views anyway

Touring Seattle Attractions

If you squint really hard and say ‘Bop’ 3 times, you can see Mt. Rainier in the background.

Space Needle Observation Deck Touring Seattle Skyline Mt. Rainier

Can you spot Kylie in the bottom right of the above photo? ^

Touring Seattle Monorail Travel Simpsons

KYLIE DONT EDIT THIS DUMB PIC OUT IM GONNA USE IT FOR A SIMPSONS MONORAIL REFERENCE

8. Beecher’s World Famous Grilled Cheese is dope

Beecher's Grilled Cheese Touring Seattle

Grilled Cheese Advertisement Beecher's Touring Seattle

Hottest Grilled Cheese Advertisement Ever ^^^

9. Waiting in line to get into the OG Starbucks is hell on actual earth but you have to do it EVERY ONE IS DOING IT

Original Starbucks Pike Place what to do in seattle

Death.

Original Starbucks Seattle Line

Murder.

The Secret of first Starbucks touring seattle pike place

Kill.

Starbucks Seattle Barista of the Year Touring Seattle

“Hi, we serve the exact same shit as the other LITERAL 103 Starbucks in Seattle.”

103!!!

10. Trolls Exist

Fremont Troll Touring Seattle

Trump has also expressed interest in moving big stone Troll man to the border to keep out Bad Hombres

Fremont Troll Touring Seattle 10 things I hate about you free attractions

Yes, this is the same Fremont Troll that appears in 10 Things I Hate About You — basically the highlight of our roadtrip

11. Pike Place Market is more than just a damn crepe

Exploring Pike Place Touring Seattle free attractions

Touring Seattle Ferris Wheel Pike Place attractions

Public Market Center touring Seattle Free Attractions

touring seattle public market center

Seattle Pike Place a day touring seattle

touring seattle in a day pike fish market

What to do touring seattle free music pike place

Flowers touring seattle pike place market

touring seattle

best food pike place crepe de france touring seattle

what to eat in seattle pike place market crepe de france touring seattle

But like, wow.. what a crepe.

12. Seattle has a big shuttlecock but its not the world’s biggest shuttlecock

Shuttlecock touring seattle

That honor belongs to Kansas City, Missouri.

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